We cannot not communicate.
Every moment we are filtering endless amounts of sensory information to form our perceptions. We are constantly tracking, perceiving, sorting, and responding. There is a constant chatter in our own minds. And that is just us in our environment itself. Bring in another person, and we have another layer of complication. We have ideas, beliefs, feelings, and body language, throwing signals to decipher further. Me reacting to you. You reacting to me. Me reacting to myself. It’s exhausting at times.
In truth, communication is a learned skill. Though connection is innate, we learn how to communicate from those that communicate with us. So ask yourself, what were your early experiences with communication- listening, assertion, empathy, understanding, conflict resolution, etc.? Because unless you have consciously decided to upgrade those skills, those initial patterns are likely still very much in play now.
Gemini is the sign most associated with communication, how we express, receive, and filter the information of our world. Thus, this New Moon asked us to look at that force in our lives. Where we do it well and where we might improve.
When we consider healthy communication, most people focus on speaking, reading, or writing. In fact, our educational norms concentrate more on those skills. While important, the ability to listen is actually the most essential part of communication. With Neptune squaring this New Moon and Juno conjunct it, I suspect it is the listening muscle we need to flex.
What is good listening? First, it means we must stop talking. It means we must employ empathy and be willing to see something from a radically different perspective. Listening as a skill looks like paraphrasing and reflecting to ensure you have the correct information. It means asking open-ended questions to understand even better. It means allowing ourselves to learn something. It means remembering everyone has a story that is yet to be discovered. It means saying, “I hear you, and I believe you.”
Listening is also not just about our ears. It is about our eyes watching for micro-movements and body language. It is our hands that touch or feel a shutter or shiver. It is about our hearts that see beyond the reactions and defenses. Good listening requires the skills of curiosity, open-mindedness, and compassion. We can even be in-tune listeners and still disagree with one another.
If holding space in this way seems daunting with another, you are right. Daunting but not impossible. What is more challenging and perhaps even more important is doing this with yourself. Because our inner world is full of communication, too, each thought is a micro-moment of dialog. Internal listening is the ability to hold that same curiosity to each of our parts, to understand better what they are trying to achieve rather than reflexively reacting to any feeling or belief we may have.
Because inner and outer, we can only solve a problem if we truly understand the problem itself. The sides, the perspectives, and the conclusions must be named before we can find a middle ground or compromise. I suspect this skill will be needed in the months and years to come. So, we might as well up our game.
At this New Moon, set the intention to listen. You may be surprised by what you hear.
“When I have been listened to and when I have been heard, I am able to re-perceive my world in a new way and to go on. It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens, how confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard. I have deeply appreciated the times that I have experienced this sensitive, empathic, concentrated listening.”
― Carl R. Rogers
~This New Moon occurs at 26° Gemini.
~If you could use some help figuring out what that all means, Contact Me for a mini chart reading.
~Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash
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