Gemini Full Moon 12/18-19-Making Amends

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At our best, we humans are tenacious problem solvers. Equally true, we are also expert problem makers. It just depends on which foot we are standing, and which part is leading the charge. No doubt the last year has revealed both. As we emerge out of eclipse season, it is always essential to take stock. Where have we been? What have we learned? It is often necessary to look back to look forward (For more on that, go here).

No doubt there are still revelations and truth bombs detonating around us. In fact, that will continue into the next year. With any potential challenge, though, also comes the promise of possibility, deliverance, atonement, and redemption. That is especially true as this Full Moon dances with the Galactic Center. We are tasked to LIVE the answers we have humbly learned.

And with that intention comes responsibility.

One of the major themes of 2021 was the reexamination and redefinition of truth. What is the correct definition of that force? We have traced the edges, recognizing how truth can be innovative and inspiring and how it can be destructive if forced through a myopic lens. Facts and data come into play here as those things certainly offer a trail to truth. Gemini always reminds us of the necessity of critical thinking skills. There is also a deeper facet to the type of truth we have been exploring. Where truth is evaluated not just on what we believe, but who we become when we believe it. I asked the following questions at the beginning of 2021.

~Does your ‘truth’ make you more compassionate, kind, loving, authentically honest, and profoundly humble?
~Does your ‘truth’ make you less judgmental, less shaming, and more radically accountable?
~Does your ‘truth’ uplift, inspire, and celebrate those around you?
~Does your ‘truth’ allow, even encourage, interconnection and cooperation?
~Does your ‘truth’ encourage , even welcome assertive (not aggressive) debate, vision, and the growth that comes with new ideas and insights?
~Does your ‘truth’ exemplify you treating others as you expect to be treated?

Good questions to revisit about now.

Because truth and consequences go together, though we often conveniently forget that. Consequences offer a profound litmus test to evaluate the validity of a particular truth. We cannot have one without the other.

Actual truth can be both simplistic and complex, depending on its classification. Complex in analysis and scientific methodology of critical thinking and simplistic when it comes to fundamental human values like altruism, kindness, cooperation, and compassion. The upcoming year will further highlight both, but especially the latter flavor of truth.

Values are interwoven with concepts like importance or worth. They are our principles, standards, conscience, and sense of right and wrong. Values can represent our sense of esteem as well as actual money and resources. Value simply means what is of importance to us. If 2021 has taught us anything, my hope is that it has made it blatantly clear what is REALLY important and what isn’t. I suspect 2022 will make that distinction even more apparent.

That is precisely what this Full Moon in Gemini is revealing. It is a time to radically review what we value- collectively and personally and assess the truths on which we stand. Because we will be (and are) living the consequences of those intentions.

In fact, the Sabian symbol for this Full Moon is “A man declared bankrupt”.

There is indeed a heavy dose of truth and consequences to this image. Radical accountability (like declaring bankruptcy), especially in the face of our own error, is intensely freeing. In fact, within that act is the promise of redemption and starting anew. It is a fresh start.

If real accountability promises redemption why do we avoid it so vehemently? Why do we resist being wrong? Why are mistakes so feared?

Those are powerful questions to ponder. The answer is likely layered and sticky with things like shame, attachment fears, and wounded esteem systems.  All the uncomfortable sensations and stories parts of us try desperately to avoid.

What if we didn’t, though? What if instead of defending, denying, projecting, or bypassing our vulnerability, we owned it? We made amends. We asked for forgiveness. We allowed ourselves to be wrong. We let someone else be right.

At this Full Moon, you are being asked to do this exact thing somewhere in your life. You are being tasked to look at the consequences of your actions squarely and bravely through the eyes of accountability. The reward is freedom and the ability to start anew. The wisdom is the knowledge you are worthy enough to make mistakes. The courage is the tenacity to acknowledge it and then commit to improvement.

Because the first step is admitting the error, the next step is righting that wrong. Redemption and the freedom that comes with it only occurs when we are brave enough to see the reality of truth, face the sting of consequences, and have the honor to change accordingly. That is where freedom truly resides.

Let’s be clear though, making healthy amends is not modeled well in our current culture.

What is a healthy apology anyway?

First- what it isn’t.
  • Blame or justifying:“I’m sorry I said that mean thing, but you said something mean first”.
The word “but” is a cancel word in a sentence. It cancels the first part of the sentence, and leaves the receiver with only the second half.
  • Denial: “I’m sorry my comment made you feel that way”. This is actually a form of projection or bypassing accountability.
  • Contempt (aka sarcasm): “I’m sorry, Jeez” (rolls eyes).
  • Control: “I said I was sorry so let’s drop it”.
  • Victim hood: “You are right. I am the worst. Why do you even stay with me?”
 
The problem with each of these examples is the level of insincerity and lack of any real accountability. The person receiving the apology feels dismissed, unheard and probably patronized to some extent. The insincere apology becomes a wedge of disconnect and resentment instead of a bid for connection.
 
So what is a true amends? The kind that actually has the power to fix issues?
 
Key word: Accountability. Fully own the behavior.
“I am sorry I”….. was short with you, said that mean thing, lied about where I was etc.
I can see I” … hurt you, broke your trust, confused you etc.
“I want to own and take full accountability for my behavior.”
 
At this point, you allow the person to share their feelings about it. Listening to understand not defend. No explanations. No defense. No blame. No expectations or demands they need to apologize too. That is up to them.
 
“I will commit to ….. in the future so this does not happen again”
 
What behavior are you willing to commit to so it is not a repeated event? Then make sure you DO it.
 
Being accountable not only rebuilds trust, it allows others the opportunity to feel safe to do the same around you.
 
Redemption, renewal and restarts are not possible without the reparation of real accountability.
 

“I will never have greater respect than for the man that realizes he was wrong and graciously admits it without a single excuse.”
― Dan Pearce

Want to know what this time if revealing for you? Contact me, for more information. 

Photo by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash

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