Sometimes change happens with our permission and sometimes change comes crashing into our lives thoroughly destroying the status quo. Sometimes change brings unexpected levity and new excitement in its surprising arrival (think a new job, opportunity or windfall), but sometimes change comes wearing the cloak of despair, loss or heartbreak. In general, change is a challenging thing, but unexpected and life- altering calamity is another beast entirely. Whether it be a relationship, a project, an investment or a loved one, this kind of alteration thrusts us into the gap of change, and we feel adrift, lost at sea.

When adrift, it is easy to disconnect from our inner compass and fall into despair and confusion. We often attach to expectation and anxiety as a way to manage the uncertainty we feel. In the gap of change, we are flooded with feelings like waves holding us under and fear that takes our breath away.  Yet, if we can embrace this experience and learn to ride the waves of change, we can allow transformation to lead us to a new land. A land that offers wisdom, resiliency, compassion and strength all forged in the fire of change.  It is that gap though, that space between the known and the not-yet known, we tend to flounder. Here are a few tips to help navigate through the gap of change.

• Just be – It is easy in times of intensity to time travel into the future or past, creating a story that argues with what is real. Change is not easy and often brings a plethora of discomfort, but suffering is optional. Suffering is sensation plus a story. Without the story, expectation or argument with reality, change is just change. This is the time to bring out the tools of awareness, presence and mindfulness. Rather than focusing on the big picture, focus on the next moment, the next and the next. In this way, you find the stepping stones across the gap to the other side. Often it is one day, one hour, one minute and one breath at a time.
• Be Kind – Start with your self-talk. At times of change the inner critic loves to show up and kick you right in the limitation, listing all your mistakes, flaws and evidence magnifying your doubt and fear. Remember, the inner critic shows up anytime you get near the edges of your comfort zone. (For more on that, check out the Inner Critic Podcast.) So commit to being kind as to what you allow in your mind. Along those same lines, be kind by honoring what you most need. Feel like being a hermit? Do it. Need a break from work? Make it happen. If you need to stay busy? Go for it. Do you want support? Ask for it. This is the time to assert kindness, compassion and receptivity to take care of YOU.
• Be Vulnerable – Feel rather than figure out. In the gap, there is going to be a kaleidoscope of feelings, and the best way to deal with feelings is to feel them. So just allow them to emerge. Cry. Laugh. Yell. The most spiritual thing we can ever do is be exactly where we are. So when lost at sea, pull up the anchor and feel the waves. Remember this simple truth: The only way out is through, and this too shall pass.
• Seek Grace – The gap of change requires a profound level of surrender. When we let go in this way we allow for divine help. There is grace, even in the darkest of times, and we evoke grace by trusting in the connection, plan and destiny we all share. By seeking grace we may get answers and assistance in the most unlikely places and unexpected ways. This is when faith becomes a verb, intuition the guiding light and trust becomes a practice.