This Aries Full Moon gives us a flavor of the energy to come. The nodes switch from Taurus/Scorpio to Aries/Libra next year. The high road (North Node) will be Aries. This means for 18 months, or so, we will be challenged to engage Aries well. What is a healthy Aries? A grounded and steady authentic sense of self. Healthy esteem and boundaries. The courage to assert, not react. Aries is about the right use of authority, power, passion, anger, and conflict. Which means it is also easy to get wrong.
Because we aren’t so good with conflict and power is a heady thing. This often occurs because our early conditioning was fraught with less functional examples. Then these wounded strategies become the norm in our later years. And it’s not just early conditioning- just look around. Unhealthy conflict is everywhere and on the rise. Though unhealthy conflict can take many forms, its fundamental element is reaction rather than response. It originates in our most primitive parts that are not programmed to think or reason at all. These automatic reactions do have some purpose, of course. Protecting yourself from a predator or danger is a solid strategy for survival. The problem is the primitive brain doesn’t always know the difference between an actual threat to survival and a perceived or hypothetical one. Being chased by a bear is vastly different than ideological differences. Emotional intelligence is being able to discern that difference.
Our feelings may be intense, but just because we feel it doesn’t make it an accurate assessment of the moment.
Unhealthy conflict channels our sense of power through bruised parts, becoming domineering, vying for an external sense of control or respect. Thus, unhealthy conflict is about winning at all costs. In fact, the goal of unhealthy conflict is actually more conflict. It can look loud in the form of name-calling, contempt, manipulation, bullying, or even violence. It can also look like stonewalling, eye-rolling, muttering insults under our breath, and other passive-aggressive behaviors. The irony, of course, is this type of bombastic behavior comes from impaired esteem and powerlessness. It looks big and loud on the outside but is foundationless. Tragically, though, it can be incredibly hurtful and destructive.
Healthy power and conflict, on the other hand, are beautiful in their assertion without needing to control or front for respect. With healthy conflict, you see “I statements,” accountability, taking breaks when needed, mutual respect, repairs, and a desire to understand rather than be right. Of course, there can sometimes be yelling and even loud debate, but the healthy conflict stays on task. Healthy conflict may produce needed appropriate boundaries but does so without condemnation. This is because the goal of healthy conflict is change. It is about realizing new potential, better understanding, and a desire to solve problems rather than control or dominate.
Somehow unhealthy conflict has become normalized, even celebrated in our culture. Somehow, we have permission to act out our feelings, no matter how reactive or primitive. Many even celebrate those well-known conflict entrepreneurs whose whole job is to fan the flames of division and hate. In doing so, we allow our reactions to be manipulated like weapons as we deny our own discernment. This kind of power is not a strength at all but a weakness.
Get ready, though. Aries is calling us all to task. We will have plenty of opportunities to walk the line between reaction and response. This Full Moon conjuncts Chiron and opposes the Sun and Venus in Libra. Somewhere you will be called to study this force in your life and have some opportunities to heal any misalignment.
Because healthy conflict is actually a skill, it often doesn’t come naturally. It requires learning to calm our nervous systems amid elevation so we can think, understand, and be curious rather than react. It requires we stop and question our feelings to discern what is real in the moment rather than react from our scars of reactivity. It requires we use our anger not to destroy but to build via understanding and dialog. It requires we engage empathy rather than defense, refusing and denouncing any leader or part of us that promotes hate.
Conflict is a necessary part of life. Whether it is the sprout pushing its way through the soil to seek the sun or the colliding of egos in relationships meant to shatter projections, conflict offers us the opportunity to grow. Perhaps, the great change we are living is not about who is the loudest or most inflaming voice in the room but who is the sturdiest, curious, and most well-regulated. Because the cure for turbulent times is not more chaos but rather centering in the storm itself.
“That’s the main difference between healthy conflict and high (reactive) conflict. In healthy conflict curiosity exists. It leads somewhere. In high conflict, the conflict is the destination. There is nowhere else to go.”~Amanda Ripley, High Conflict: Why we get trapped and how we get out.
~This Full Moon occurs @16°Aries
~Want to know what this time is revealing for you? Contact me, for more information.
~~Photo by Natalya Letunova on Unsplash